My Projection Returns to Me!

Feb 19.2012
Desire what it is that I want, but be equally in love with its opposite. After all neither of them are real. 

Don't do anything I don't want to do. There is nothing left for me to learn. 

Love death. I couldn't have life without it. 

Remember I am not going anywhere until I say so. And anywhere I go is perfect. 

One of my favorite things to do is to go to Marble Slab for an ice cream cone. Why? Because it makes me feel good. Reading A Course In Miracles, Jed McKenna and Byron Katie is the same. I read them because it makes me feel good. At the same time, I am aware that they too are illusions,and I get to love them until I don't because I made them. Yummy!

There is no Jed Mckenna , this is me, I am a bloody genius. I knew this information all along. I just didn't want to accept it. It was me who chose to be asleep. It was me who chose to make suffering. I did it all, what a revelation. 

Why did I do this? because I wanted to know what it felt like? I got stuck, addicted to the feelings? Its all beginning to make sense. Lol, my life has been a farce, a dream, lol, what a laugh!

My fears are all around me. I see them in my friends and family . There are no friends and family. These are my fears,lol. What a lie I have made. They seem to be there, I see them but they are not real. What I am really seeing are my own mind games.  How can I be afraid of nothing? Who is the I that is afraid? The same I that made the fear? Lol,it's my nightmare that I am seeing, can that same nightmare be just a dream, a dream that has no reality other than what I give it?
"I have given everything in this world, all the meaning it has for me" quote from ACIM. 
       " How can I see this differently?"

My PROJECTION RETURNS TO ME---Feb 20 2012

Wake up wake up wake up! I see myself asleep. Someone's shaking me to try to wake me up. Who is it? I am so stuck, it's suffocating. I can't move, I'm scared. 
Bored, I am so bored, my fears are keeping me chained here. Fear of lack, fear of storms, fear of being trampled by the crowds. Who am I? I feel so small. Is there anybody out there? I can't see, its cold, so cold. Hello! Is anybody there? Nobody wants me, nobody cares, why don't you love me? What do I have to do to make you love me? 
No, I won't do it, I'll show you. Help me, I need need need need need need.......
It's too late. I have left it too late. I am going under, desperate, confused, empty. Take me lord, take me. How could it have come this far? Do I die here, lest I awake unfulfilled again? It's over, it's all over, I am. Dead.