My Projection Returns to Me!

Feb 19.2012
Desire what it is that I want, but be equally in love with its opposite. After all neither of them are real. 

Don't do anything I don't want to do. There is nothing left for me to learn. 

Love death. I couldn't have life without it. 

Remember I am not going anywhere until I say so. And anywhere I go is perfect. 

One of my favorite things to do is to go to Marble Slab for an ice cream cone. Why? Because it makes me feel good. Reading A Course In Miracles, Jed McKenna and Byron Katie is the same. I read them because it makes me feel good. At the same time, I am aware that they too are illusions,and I get to love them until I don't because I made them. Yummy!

There is no Jed Mckenna , this is me, I am a bloody genius. I knew this information all along. I just didn't want to accept it. It was me who chose to be asleep. It was me who chose to make suffering. I did it all, what a revelation. 

Why did I do this? because I wanted to know what it felt like? I got stuck, addicted to the feelings? Its all beginning to make sense. Lol, my life has been a farce, a dream, lol, what a laugh!

My fears are all around me. I see them in my friends and family . There are no friends and family. These are my fears,lol. What a lie I have made. They seem to be there, I see them but they are not real. What I am really seeing are my own mind games.  How can I be afraid of nothing? Who is the I that is afraid? The same I that made the fear? Lol,it's my nightmare that I am seeing, can that same nightmare be just a dream, a dream that has no reality other than what I give it?
"I have given everything in this world, all the meaning it has for me" quote from ACIM. 
       " How can I see this differently?"

My PROJECTION RETURNS TO ME---Feb 20 2012

Wake up wake up wake up! I see myself asleep. Someone's shaking me to try to wake me up. Who is it? I am so stuck, it's suffocating. I can't move, I'm scared. 
Bored, I am so bored, my fears are keeping me chained here. Fear of lack, fear of storms, fear of being trampled by the crowds. Who am I? I feel so small. Is there anybody out there? I can't see, its cold, so cold. Hello! Is anybody there? Nobody wants me, nobody cares, why don't you love me? What do I have to do to make you love me? 
No, I won't do it, I'll show you. Help me, I need need need need need need.......
It's too late. I have left it too late. I am going under, desperate, confused, empty. Take me lord, take me. How could it have come this far? Do I die here, lest I awake unfulfilled again? It's over, it's all over, I am. Dead. 

Making friends with Death!

I welcomed death. It was a difficult thing to do at first. No I am not dying or even close to it as far as I know,but I was afraid of it. So this week I practiced making a friend with it and what showed up for me was more life. Who would have thought that so much of my life energy was wrapped up in the fear of losing my life.

Now what? Well nothing huge has happened on the outside but something subtle and sweet has happened on the inside. More life! Just the thought of it makes me feel lighter. More life! More Freedom! More truth! What's next?

My Life In Increments

Part 1
Nothing can make me walk away from this issue, I grow through throwing myself into the fire. 
Part 2
I love myself now so I can say no and walk away, no more fires.
Part 3
Nothing to walk away from, its not real

I woke up yesterday morning saying over and over in my mind "I AM THE VOID!"
Memories returned from the teachings of Ramtha who had said, "The void is one vast nothing materially, yet all things potentially." Do I now finally understand what he meant?

My thoughts about life have been changing rapidly this past month or so. I have been contemplating an idea that I read in Jed McKennas book,which suggests that in order to be enlightened, one must return to "No Self". Now I don't profess to know what that means,but with the help of my Holy Spirit I believe I am going to find out, and the first hint,is this idea that I am the void. One vast nothing materially yet all things potentially. 

NO SELF! Think about that. It brings up both fear and excitement. The fear being the letting go of self and all it's beliefs, opinions, titles etc. Letting go of what I think God is, and certainly giving no credence at all to the idea of an ego, who I could use before as the reason for problems in my life. 

It's letting go of being the teacher, the healer, the artist and the idea that I need to fix myself or someone else. It's accepting totally that everything in this illusionary world is perfect just the way it is. No more choices to make, my ideas of good and bad gone down the drain. Hey, I don't have to be the "good" girl anymore, what a relief!

All joking aside these new contemplations have flipped my old way of thinking upside down, and I am realizing that my whole life has been a farce. Not that I regret any part of it. It was what it was because it was, and that's perfect for me. I couldn't have done it any different, just like now, I am destined to move forward with these new ideas because they are pulling me, and deep down inside of me I have this excitement that promises something new.

Stay tuned, I don't know when I will be back but it won't be too long. 

Yes or No?

Yes or no?  Is it wrong to say no to something in this hologram?  A Course In Miracles says, if you brother asks you to do something ridiculous, say yes because if you don't you are making it real. 

Ramtha on the other hand says, if it doesn't bring you joy, get rid of it. 

'Butterflies are Free to Fly' says,this is just a game, filled with every emotion imaginable and the ultimate goal is no self.

In order to say no to a request from a brother, I realize I have to have a story to back me up. Such as, I have to say no because...
I am working on eliminating stories from my life and every story seems to have a judgement connected to it, this one is no different. 

My present story seemed very obvious to me.It occurred two days ago.  The main character was (seemingly) avoiding an unpleasant life circumstance and using others to take care of the situation for him. One of those people indirectly was me. After much thought on the request to have me involved I made the choice to say no because, and it's here that the stories and the judgements crept in. They seemed quite logical at the time, and for once I was going to take care of myself and say no, without the usual accompanying guilt. After I said no, I felt really peaceful, or did I? It seemed that way at the time, but something was nagging at me. It was the information I had read in The Course In Miracles, give all to all.

After more contemplation today, I can see that if my Holy Spirit, who I have confirmed is in charge of my life, places a brother in front of me asking for help, then I must say yes. The gift I receive from saying yes is the opportunity to recognize the unpleasant feelings it brings up,and heal them through forgiveness. The only real feelings being love, joy and peace, everything else is an illusion.

 I know this to be true, the question is,can I trust my Holy Spirit enough to let go of controlling the outcome of anything? Can I say yes,when every cell of my being is crying out with thoughts such as,I don't want to because.  I shouldn't have to because. I will show him because. I know what's best for him because. To say yes when I want to say no is a huge leap for me but I think I am ready to give it a try. Who knows, maybe this is the biggest illusion of all. Lol

P.s. What about discernment you may ask. Well don't think it didn't come up in my contemplation. For now I will say no more about it. It has been thought through and I am ready to continue with my huge leap and see what happens. Will keep you updated!

A Holographic World!

Here I am sitting inside a coffee shop. Or am I really sitting here. Who is the I that is sitting here or thinks she is sitting here? An illusion, a hologram and yes, I too am a hologram. A hologram within a hologram. Is there a way out? There must be, after all movies do change. Who is making the hologram that I seem to be sitting in right now? Who makes the hologram of pain and suffering? Who makes the hologram of beautiful sunsets?

Why can't my mind have a thought that sets me totally free? Am I always to be a prisoner inside a hologram? Why can't I just close my eyes and wake up with God? Don't tell me it's because I still believe this hologram is real. Yes,yes I know that's a possibility and if it's so how can I get beyond it? Why can't I just wake up? Am I so attached to everything here that I can't live without it? Can't say I am not,but I think I am willing to give it all up for peace love and joy 24/7.

It's a few days later and last night I had a dream that I was separate from my human self and looking down from above onto the human drama. It was hilarious, I was laughing so hard at the dramas myself and others make up and get really emotionally involved in. Dramas that cause pain and suffering both physically and emotionally and even in my dream state I was aware that none of it was true.  Then, as I realized that I was both watching and participating I woke up. 

 Was this a message from my Holy Spirit? I had wanted to blog about my dream but decided to wait for an understanding of what it was about. A few days later I  was browsing at the kindle store looking up free books when I came across a book by Stephen Davis called 'Butterflies Are Free to Fly' I knew right away that I had to read it. 

I had heard many stories on my journey about the metamorphosis of a caterpillar into a butterfly, and how it correlated with the metamorphosis of a human  being. I even wrote a poem about a butterfly in 1986, the first year I began to study my journey with Ramtha. It goes like this.

Out of a chrysalis I emerge a butterfly I am
Spreading my wings and taking flight, wondering if I can
Into the unknown I go forth pushing aside the fear
Leaving the memories of the past, the now becoming clear
Deeper, deeper into the void creating as I go
Losing friends along the way who just don't want to know
Oh how I love this life of mine the laughter and the tears
I wouldn't change with anyone despite my many fears.

So, the title of the book captured my attention and I downloaded it, not knowing it would give me the answers to the questions I was having.  ( Spirit moves in mysterious ways)

I had no problem opening my mind to what I was hearing because it was based on so many things I had learned in the past while studying quantum physics, holograms and illusions.  The information reminded me that I am not in charge of my life, my 'Infinite I' is, and every experience I have ever had has been planned specifically for me by my Infinite I, with the sole intent of waking me up to the truth.

  In other words I did not create my own reality as I had previously believed,  my 'Infinite I'did. He has hired every person, place, thing, time and event to play a part in this game specifically for me to have an emotional experience in order to set me free from this hologram.

 I got to see more clearly that the human drama really is a hologram,and that it has been proven through science and quantum physics.  In fact,the information in this book was offering me the answers to the questions I had  been asking, at the perfect time because I was ready to hear it.

I highly recommend this book and will keep you updated on my progress. There is so much more to tell but I suggest you get the book and use it as a tool for discovering your true self. 

Life is simpler than I think

Last week I was sitting in a hotel lobby when I suddenly had an awareness. People were passing back and forth and I was reading. Occasionally I would look up and sometimes make contact with a passer by and other times no contact. I suddenly realized I am not supposed to make contact with everyone,and those I do make contact with are there for a reason. I dont have to know the reason but I do know that its always an opportunity to share love.

In the past,I had often set out in my day with an intent to find people to share with. It rarely happened because I had an expectation on how it was supposed to be, and it was more complicated than a simple hello or a smile. In fact I can now see it wasnt an unconditional act, I needed a specific response from someone else to confirm that the sharing had actually taken place. I usually came home wondering why nothing had happened, when in fact,if I had been more aware at the time, I probably would have noticed that I had indeed had many opportunities for sharing a simple smile or even just a thought of love and connection. I was unconscious to the fact that I was actually looking for something rather than giving something of myself.

In this moment of awareness as I contemplated in the hotel lobby, I opened myself up to experience more joy,love and freedom because I was ready to let go of my expectations of how it's supposed to be. My eyes are now opened to a bigger world around me and I am sharing more smiles and loving thoughts with those I am destined to meet along the way.