Accept it, then bring it to Truth!

The Story:
I burned my hand on a pot last night. It was quite painful so I wrapped it in ice before setting off for my Course In Miracles meeting . During the meditation at the end of our meeting the pain was worse for the first five minutes. After that I don't remember anything and came out of the meditation pain free.  

I remembered what I had learned the last time I hurt myself, the first step being Acceptance.  I accepted what had seemingly occurred and took care of it with ice and aloe vera. This is far less stressful than blaming myself or others, or becoming a victim. Despite the pain, there is a sense of peace around it. ,

Accept it, then bring it to truth. Meaning,as The Course In Miracles states, it never really happened.

The burn is a reminder once again,that I am making this body real and it's time to forgive myself for doing so. 

Can I Forgive the Rapist?

These last few days have been challenging. In the midst of experiencing more love than ever, I have recently had the opposite experience of feeling anger and rage. A Course In Miracles says that a slight irritant is no different than a murderous rage. This was no slight irritant, I was very angry.

You may have noticed, I never share a story without first bringing it back to peace. I don't see the point,because I have had so many experiences in my life that have shown me, that when I remove the story, all that's left is peace. So it is with this one.

The story goes as follows.
A few days ago I was watching a Dr Phil show on TV. It was on child rape,and one of the victims was a twelve year old, one of three sisters who had been continually raped by her father and other men, sometimes five times a day since they were five years old. She was there along with her mother,sharing her experiences and her anger towards her father, who is now imprisoned for life. I shared her feelings and it didn't feel good. It was so far from the peaceful feeling I was now accustomed to,on an almost daily basis. At the same time, I tried to resist the feelings and was annoyed that I couldn't let the story go. As usual, I connected with Holy Spirit before going to sleep.

The next day,I saw a friend of mine photographing a little girl who was posing in what I perceived to be a provocative way. I immediately saw my friend as a child molester and was shocked to observe how much of a hold these feelings had on me. I wanted to confront him, but I knew it wasn't about him, it was about me.

Why was this rapist having such an effect on me? On the other hand, why not? Its not hard to see that in this insane world anything is possible.
How could I love this man? How could I love war? How could I love insanity?

Well I am not being asked to love anything that is a part of this illusion. I am being asked to see beyond the illusion and recognize that beneath every child molester there is a God. That every insidious act that I perceive,is a story that represents all of my own hidden rage. It was obvious that my rage was no different than a mans need to rape children. How could I judge him and not judge myself?

In that moment, I could see that my thoughts were a cry for love, just as his were and it was the perfect moment for forgiveness. Could I forgive myself and him?

I sat through an hours meditation with the sole intent of sitting in the sickly feelings that I was experiencing from the show, pulling the picture up until it no longer had a charge on me. It was the first step to discovering the truth. I knew I couldn't receive the clarity from Holy Spirit until I could find myself in a place of peace. After the meditation I went about my day and allowed the answer to show itself. 

I have become aware that egos plan is to keep us all separated from each other when in fact we are all one. What could separate us more than the most horrific acts that seem to play out in this illusionary world. I am reminded here that none of these acts are real, they never really happened. The more I can accept that, the more peaceful my life will be. I can only project my interpretation of an event anyway, unable to see the whole story, never mind the truth behind the story. 

A Course In Miracles describes these horrendous acts as a call for love. If God is truly love, then the wholeness of that love can have no exceptions. It is the same call that cries out in all of us. If I ignore that call for love, I will surely follow a call for hate, creating more seperation between my brothers and myself,which I know is egos plan.

It was clear that I had to find a way to love the rapist,because I knew he represented the hate we all have within,that prevents us from joining in love and perfect oneness. I could only do that by acknowleding that this world and all of its horrendous acts is a story that has nothing to do with the truth. As The Course says, I am not this body I am free, for I am still as God created me. A God, whose wholeness embraces totality without exception and looking down on this world says "It isn't so"

I stopped here to open the Course and as always it opened to the perfect place as follows.

The Holy Spirit takes you gently by the hand, and retraces with you your mad journey outside yourself, leading you gently back to the truth and safety within. He brings all your insane projections and the wild substitutions that you have placed outside you to the truth. Thus he reverses the course of insanity and restores you to reason. 

I have now returned to peace. I can now have compassion for all of my brothers and sisters who have forgotten who they are, and this includes myself. May we all awaken to the truth that we are not this body. We are living in a dream, and egos plan is to keep us here. May we all find forgiveness for the times we make this world real,and may we once again experience the freedom of oneness. 

I will finish now with a prayer from A Course In Miracles.

Father, a miracle reflects Your gifts to me, Your Son. And every one I give returns to me, reminding me the law of love is universal. Even here [on earth], it takes a form which can be recognized and seen to work. The miracles I give are given back in just the form I need to help me with the problems I perceive. Father, in Heaven it is different, for there, there are no needs. But here on earth, the miracle is closer to Your gifts than any other gift that I can give. Then let me give this gift alone today, which, born of true forgiveness, lights the way that I must travel to remember You. (W-pII.345:1-7)

Patience is natural to those who Trust!

Over the years, I have convinced myself that I don't have enough patience. I want everything yesterday. So it is, that at this time in my life, when I am observing pain come and go in my body I am questioning what true patience is.

Here is the story:
The last few days I have been experiencing acid reflux, in a body that according to my knowingness, isn't real. I have had this in my past, changing my diet several times in an effort to heal it. Yesterday I decided to get serious,and I sat down to engage the Holy Spirit in an attempt to conquer it once and for all.

I began by asking all of the right questions such as, why now? Why when I am loving more and judging less. I couldn't hear the answer, I was so wrapped up in the fear.

Now I was doubled over in pain closing my eyes and waiting. A moment later the phone rang. It was my partner Chris with some wonderful news to share with me. In the past, I have often wondered while in the midst of some deep discomfort, what I would feel if somebody suddenly told me I had won the lottery. Well this time I hadn't won the lottery but the news he shared with me filled me with joy. Within fifteen minutes, what I thought might happen, actually occurred. The pain was gone, after three days of suffering,gone.

So I contemplated what happened here. What message was Holy Spirit sharing with me now? It was clear to me, that in that moment of hearing the happy news I forgot about the pain. It was no longer important. In that one moment I had changed my mind from one of pain to joy, that's all it took. The pain didn't return because it was the perfect moment for me to give it up. I say the perfect moment because I know it was Holy Spirits gift, the answer to my questions. Questions such as why now? This was why, because I was ready to hear, and I wanted more than anything to conquer my impatience.

"Those who are certain of the outcome, can afford to wait"

This is a statement from A Course In Miracles under the heading of patience. I already knew the concept that everything happens at the right time and place for everyone concerned. I just didn't fully believe it until now.

My experience has taught me to trust that everything has a purpose, and change happens at the perfect time. No more trying to make it happen faster which always creates more stress and doubt. My concept of patience has changed. It is now a letting go rather than a doing. I can already feel the peace.

The Answer is in the Question!

Two nights have passed since my last awareness,that I am still making this body real, and that I think I can make pain. These nights were not what I expected.

The day after my awareness I had no more pain in my body. It seemed like a confirmation or a gift of my new realization, one I thought would last. However, the last two nights I have been awake with pains again down the right side of my body, leaving me questioning and asking why?

Is it because my belief in the body and this world runs so deep, that I can only have glimpses of what it is like to be free of such limited ideas? Is my present lack of peace a confirmation of my lack of faith. Faith that this body and this world isn't real, despite the fact that everything that I see and feel opposes that idea?

Can I now let go of the frustration, the impatience and the embarrassment of telling my friends that the pain has returned? Can I admit to myself how much my ego was involved, when I thought I had made a huge leap in my evolution, and can I forgive it? Can I accept that there are still layers of limited beliefs to remove,and because I still believe in time, they take time?

These are the questions I am asking myself today. This is what this day is for, and one moment of peace is all I need to receive the answers. In fact as I look at the questions I can see the answers are built right into them and it's a big yes to all. In fact I believe the answer to every question I have ever asked is contained in the question.

The I that is spirit knows all of the answers, has always know them and always will. I believe we all know the truth about who we are and why we are here, and that's why we already have the answers to every question we could ever ask. I just have to be still a moment and listen to that still small voice inside of me that I call The Holy Spirit. It is the one with all of the answers and it is a part of me. The part that knows everything.

Yet another truly empowering thought that leaves me totally fulfilled and not relying on any person, place,thing,time or event in the world to awaken me from this dream. The spirit within me does know it all. Now I need to practice patience and to have faith, that one day I will live the truth of what I know, and in the meantime forgive myself for making this illusionary world real.

Words cannot describe the Extraordinary!

Have you ever used the saying, You had to be there, when describing an event in your life? You know, the other person or people you are sharing with are looking at you with that face that tells you they are not getting it. If you are like me, you will feel a little dumb for even trying to share it in the first place, after all, it was you who had the feelings when it was happening, not them. I am not saying there are not people out there who are likened to great poets and can take me on a journey that encourages me to feel what they are expressing. I am not one of those people, so it wasn't surprising that when I read back to myself a blog that I wrote yesterday, I deleted it because it was void of the feelings that I was trying to write about.

Words just dont do it for me. They take something beautiful and make it mediocre. So how do I continue to share what is important in my life. How do I share my passion, my journey, my love for my brothers and sisters, all of you?

My heart is opening more every day. I am seeing more of the truth and feeling more compassion for all of us who are lost in this dream. There are moments when I see clearly through the lies I have told myself, the lies you have told yourself. I see the real self beyond the frightened human self that continues to fight for its life in a world that can offer nothing and ends in death. And what is this death that we all fear is coming some day? A Course in Miracles says it is nothing because it is not real. Death does not exist because God did not make it

There is a wonderful article on death as seen through the course. I highly recommend it for all who are experiencing death in their lives right now. It is the best explanation I have heard and it touched me deeply. It is written by Greg Mackie in the Circle of Atonement link on line.

I was guided to this information a few days ago by the Holy Spirit. A friend had requested help for her friend who wanted to understand grief as seen through A course in miracles. His friend was dying of cancer and her request brought up some fears for me. I went straight into my stories, replacing his dying friend with my loved ones,and within minutes I was no longer in peace, I was in fear. Fear is a sure sign to me that I have work to do and needed help from Holy Spirit, hence the guidance.

I love how Holy Spirit works. If it wasnt for my friends request, I would not have become aware of my own fears around death. Greg refers to a section in the course that says I accept no compromise where death plays a part. I decided to use this as a mantra yesterday while meditating with some friends. I felt myself going deeper and deeper into the thought and that is when I had one of those experiences that I was talking about when I began this section of my blog. There are no words to describe it, the truth, the knowingness that came forth. I was once again the observer and what I was seeing was without doubt the absolute truth. There is no such thing as death. We made it all up in our minds but it doesn't exist, therefore it is not real. I fell in and out of this awareness, sometimes staying there for what seemed to be a long time. When the buzzer went off to end the meditation, I didn't want to come out of it. I couldn't feel my body and I was in a state of bliss.

If only I could remember this truth every moment of every day. I believe that time will come and it's one of the thoughts that drives me to continue this journey of awakening. In the meantime, I will savor every opportuntiy that comes to me and not be so attached to how I share them but be thankful to have the opportuntiy to share them.

Making Pain Real!

Last night I tripped and hurt myself. The pain kept waking me up in the night. I had a dream that I was in pain, but I had work to do that would inevitably make the pain worse. In my dream I chose to not participate in the work,which was a different choice than I would have made in my past.

Back to the story.
I was in a restaurant with friends. I tripped on a stick that had been placed on the floor to hold the door open by one of the staff who was cleaning. The stick wasn't there when I entered the washroom. She had followed me in. I tripped and threw the right side of my body off kilter, causing pain in my toes, knees, hip, arm, shoulder, neck and head.

I was angry. Angry at her for being negligent,angry at myself for creating the situation. Angry at myself for not mentioning it to her boss because I didn't want to get her in trouble. But most of all angry because I was no longer in peace and joy. My thoughts were revengeful and I didn't like how it made me feel.

Before I lay down to sleep, I asked Holy spirit for clarity on the situation. My dream was the key. Acceptance was the first step. Despite the fact that this is an illusion, some part of me still thinks it is real. So, when I hurt myself, I take care of it in the best way I know, then I receive the clarity.

I asked who was testing me, who was trying to knock me off my peace? The answer was me. I still think that I can make pain and suffering so I do. Truth is, pain and suffering are not real, they are illusions. The only truth is,that I am peace joy and love,and I didn't make them, God did. It's as simple as that.

It's me that tests me with one illusion after another. I heard other hidden beliefs arise such as I can make sickness, I can make food have an adverse affect on my body. I was being asked to forgive these thoughts because they no longer served me.

Once again, I am reminded that there is nothing to do in order to wake up, other than become aware of my hidden beliefs and tell the truth about them. In this way, my seeming pain became my gift and I saw the perfection of it.

Changing Neighborhoods

Many years ago, Ramtha gave a teaching about changing neighborhoods, something he wanted us all to do. My first thought was that he wanted me to move out of my house and town, so I had many months of turmoil, wondering where he wanted me to be. It was years later when I fully understood the teaching. He had said that a new neighborhood was different than just moving the furniture around.

Have you ever become aware that your life is chaotic? Nothing is going right for you. There is so much going on that you feel you don't have time to breathe. You want out, but you don't even know what that means. I have been there, and my solution, or so I thought, was to change my outer circumstances, kind of like moving the furniture around. I soon came to realize that it was a band aid approach. It helped for a short while, but didn't solve the problem. My problems followed me everywhere. Why? Because I learned through experience, that they had nothing to do with what seemed to be happening in my life and everything to do with what was going on in my mind. Changing neighborhoods meant changing my mind. I noticed when I changed my mind, my outer circumstances changed too. It was as if changing my mind opened the door to an inner guidance that wasn't available to me before because I didn't leave a space for it to be there.

Changing my outer circumstances without changing the thought that made them could never work. When I realized this, I began to pay more attention to what I was thinking not what I was doing. I stood guard on the doorway of my mind and let in no thought that I didn't want to out manifest. It was the journey and it became my passion. Not only that, it worked, and continues to work in my life.

There was guidance along the way, props that helped me. Books, workshops, meditation etc. Ekhart Tolle and The Power of Now was a good book at that time. Candle focus was another. Walking meditation was one of my favorites holding the focus on one thing as I walked. This became my work, the work I knew I was here for, and it was this work that began to wake me up to the truth. That all of my chaos was self made and could be changed simply by changing my mind. Nobody could do it for me, I had to want it more than anything else.

Now I am reaping the rewards of my past efforts, I continue to change neighborhoods and my life is filled with more love, more joy and most of all more peace.

Interruption or Opportunity?

Meditation means different things to different people. It can be done sitting, lying down or walking. Some try to still their mind, others focus on one thing or one mantra. Some focus only on the breath. All are in the act of achieving some kind of mental state, or manifesting some particular item or healing. I have used all of the above methods of meditation at different stages of my life and benefitted from all of them.

Yesterday I was meditating with a group of friends with the intent of starting my day off in peace. During the meditation, one of my friends decided to get up and go upstairs to make a phone call. The call took up most of the hour we were there meditating and we could hear the conversation. I observed my judgements on her. Stories such as, how could she do this during our meditation? How could she choose a phone call over God? How could she have no respect for us?

In the past I would spend the rest of the meditation trying to still my mind from these thoughts, fighting the feelings and working hard to replace them with loving thoughts. This time it was different. I remembered there was no her, that she was an actor in my play, and that I actually placed her there in order to reflect something back to me that needed healing. It was easy to see that I did the same thing I was accusing her of every day. Every moment that I chose pain and suffering to replace the peace of God. Was that not disrespecting myself and God?

I then noticed that the actual moments of observation were the peace I had been looking for. Not unlike the actual moment of observing a pencil before naming it a pencil. That observation can only occur in a place of stillness. That the very act I had judged in the past as a distraction, was now the key to meditation. Meditation was no longer an act of stilling my mind, but was indeed the means to observe that which was preventing me from my natural state of being which is love, joy and peace.

These little annoyances now became the gifts of the meditation, the reason for meditating. I came out of the meditation buzzing. Every cell of my being was dancing with my new awareness. And, the icing on the cake so to speak, was that I wasn't angry at my friend. I was thankful I had placed her in my dream to make me more aware in my day, a beautiful day indeed.