These last few days have been challenging. In the midst of experiencing more love than ever, I have recently had the opposite experience of feeling anger and rage. A Course In Miracles says that a slight irritant is no different than a murderous rage. This was no slight irritant, I was very angry.
You may have noticed, I never share a story without first bringing it back to peace. I don't see the point,because I have had so many experiences in my life that have shown me, that when I remove the story, all that's left is peace. So it is with this one.
The story goes as follows.
A few days ago I was watching a Dr Phil show on TV. It was on child rape,and one of the victims was a twelve year old, one of three sisters who had been continually raped by her father and other men, sometimes five times a day since they were five years old. She was there along with her mother,sharing her experiences and her anger towards her father, who is now imprisoned for life. I shared her feelings and it didn't feel good. It was so far from the peaceful feeling I was now accustomed to,on an almost daily basis. At the same time, I tried to resist the feelings and was annoyed that I couldn't let the story go. As usual, I connected with Holy Spirit before going to sleep.
The next day,I saw a friend of mine photographing a little girl who was posing in what I perceived to be a provocative way. I immediately saw my friend as a child molester and was shocked to observe how much of a hold these feelings had on me. I wanted to confront him, but I knew it wasn't about him, it was about me.
Why was this rapist having such an effect on me? On the other hand, why not? Its not hard to see that in this insane world anything is possible.
How could I love this man? How could I love war? How could I love insanity?
Well I am not being asked to love anything that is a part of this illusion. I am being asked to see beyond the illusion and recognize that beneath every child molester there is a God. That every insidious act that I perceive,is a story that represents all of my own hidden rage. It was obvious that my rage was no different than a mans need to rape children. How could I judge him and not judge myself?
In that moment, I could see that my thoughts were a cry for love, just as his were and it was the perfect moment for forgiveness. Could I forgive myself and him?
I sat through an hours meditation with the sole intent of sitting in the sickly feelings that I was experiencing from the show, pulling the picture up until it no longer had a charge on me. It was the first step to discovering the truth. I knew I couldn't receive the clarity from Holy Spirit until I could find myself in a place of peace. After the meditation I went about my day and allowed the answer to show itself.
I have become aware that egos plan is to keep us all separated from each other when in fact we are all one. What could separate us more than the most horrific acts that seem to play out in this illusionary world. I am reminded here that none of these acts are real, they never really happened. The more I can accept that, the more peaceful my life will be. I can only project my interpretation of an event anyway, unable to see the whole story, never mind the truth behind the story.
A Course In Miracles describes these horrendous acts as a call for love. If God is truly love, then the wholeness of that love can have no exceptions. It is the same call that cries out in all of us. If I ignore that call for love, I will surely follow a call for hate, creating more seperation between my brothers and myself,which I know is egos plan.
It was clear that I had to find a way to love the rapist,because I knew he represented the hate we all have within,that prevents us from joining in love and perfect oneness. I could only do that by acknowleding that this world and all of its horrendous acts is a story that has nothing to do with the truth. As The Course says, I am not this body I am free, for I am still as God created me. A God, whose wholeness embraces totality without exception and looking down on this world says "It isn't so"
I stopped here to open the Course and as always it opened to the perfect place as follows.
The Holy Spirit takes you gently by the hand, and retraces with you your mad journey outside yourself, leading you gently back to the truth and safety within. He brings all your insane projections and the wild substitutions that you have placed outside you to the truth. Thus he reverses the course of insanity and restores you to reason.
I have now returned to peace. I can now have compassion for all of my brothers and sisters who have forgotten who they are, and this includes myself. May we all awaken to the truth that we are not this body. We are living in a dream, and egos plan is to keep us here. May we all find forgiveness for the times we make this world real,and may we once again experience the freedom of oneness.
I will finish now with a prayer from A Course In Miracles.
Father, a miracle reflects Your gifts to me, Your Son. And every one I give returns to me, reminding me the law of love is universal. Even here [on earth], it takes a form which can be recognized and seen to work. The miracles I give are given back in just the form I need to help me with the problems I perceive. Father, in Heaven it is different, for there, there are no needs. But here on earth, the miracle is closer to Your gifts than any other gift that I can give. Then let me give this gift alone today, which, born of true forgiveness, lights the way that I must travel to remember You. (W-pII.345:1-7)
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