Accept it, then bring it to Truth!

The Story:
I burned my hand on a pot last night. It was quite painful so I wrapped it in ice before setting off for my Course In Miracles meeting . During the meditation at the end of our meeting the pain was worse for the first five minutes. After that I don't remember anything and came out of the meditation pain free.  

I remembered what I had learned the last time I hurt myself, the first step being Acceptance.  I accepted what had seemingly occurred and took care of it with ice and aloe vera. This is far less stressful than blaming myself or others, or becoming a victim. Despite the pain, there is a sense of peace around it. ,

Accept it, then bring it to truth. Meaning,as The Course In Miracles states, it never really happened.

The burn is a reminder once again,that I am making this body real and it's time to forgive myself for doing so. 

Can I Forgive the Rapist?

These last few days have been challenging. In the midst of experiencing more love than ever, I have recently had the opposite experience of feeling anger and rage. A Course In Miracles says that a slight irritant is no different than a murderous rage. This was no slight irritant, I was very angry.

You may have noticed, I never share a story without first bringing it back to peace. I don't see the point,because I have had so many experiences in my life that have shown me, that when I remove the story, all that's left is peace. So it is with this one.

The story goes as follows.
A few days ago I was watching a Dr Phil show on TV. It was on child rape,and one of the victims was a twelve year old, one of three sisters who had been continually raped by her father and other men, sometimes five times a day since they were five years old. She was there along with her mother,sharing her experiences and her anger towards her father, who is now imprisoned for life. I shared her feelings and it didn't feel good. It was so far from the peaceful feeling I was now accustomed to,on an almost daily basis. At the same time, I tried to resist the feelings and was annoyed that I couldn't let the story go. As usual, I connected with Holy Spirit before going to sleep.

The next day,I saw a friend of mine photographing a little girl who was posing in what I perceived to be a provocative way. I immediately saw my friend as a child molester and was shocked to observe how much of a hold these feelings had on me. I wanted to confront him, but I knew it wasn't about him, it was about me.

Why was this rapist having such an effect on me? On the other hand, why not? Its not hard to see that in this insane world anything is possible.
How could I love this man? How could I love war? How could I love insanity?

Well I am not being asked to love anything that is a part of this illusion. I am being asked to see beyond the illusion and recognize that beneath every child molester there is a God. That every insidious act that I perceive,is a story that represents all of my own hidden rage. It was obvious that my rage was no different than a mans need to rape children. How could I judge him and not judge myself?

In that moment, I could see that my thoughts were a cry for love, just as his were and it was the perfect moment for forgiveness. Could I forgive myself and him?

I sat through an hours meditation with the sole intent of sitting in the sickly feelings that I was experiencing from the show, pulling the picture up until it no longer had a charge on me. It was the first step to discovering the truth. I knew I couldn't receive the clarity from Holy Spirit until I could find myself in a place of peace. After the meditation I went about my day and allowed the answer to show itself. 

I have become aware that egos plan is to keep us all separated from each other when in fact we are all one. What could separate us more than the most horrific acts that seem to play out in this illusionary world. I am reminded here that none of these acts are real, they never really happened. The more I can accept that, the more peaceful my life will be. I can only project my interpretation of an event anyway, unable to see the whole story, never mind the truth behind the story. 

A Course In Miracles describes these horrendous acts as a call for love. If God is truly love, then the wholeness of that love can have no exceptions. It is the same call that cries out in all of us. If I ignore that call for love, I will surely follow a call for hate, creating more seperation between my brothers and myself,which I know is egos plan.

It was clear that I had to find a way to love the rapist,because I knew he represented the hate we all have within,that prevents us from joining in love and perfect oneness. I could only do that by acknowleding that this world and all of its horrendous acts is a story that has nothing to do with the truth. As The Course says, I am not this body I am free, for I am still as God created me. A God, whose wholeness embraces totality without exception and looking down on this world says "It isn't so"

I stopped here to open the Course and as always it opened to the perfect place as follows.

The Holy Spirit takes you gently by the hand, and retraces with you your mad journey outside yourself, leading you gently back to the truth and safety within. He brings all your insane projections and the wild substitutions that you have placed outside you to the truth. Thus he reverses the course of insanity and restores you to reason. 

I have now returned to peace. I can now have compassion for all of my brothers and sisters who have forgotten who they are, and this includes myself. May we all awaken to the truth that we are not this body. We are living in a dream, and egos plan is to keep us here. May we all find forgiveness for the times we make this world real,and may we once again experience the freedom of oneness. 

I will finish now with a prayer from A Course In Miracles.

Father, a miracle reflects Your gifts to me, Your Son. And every one I give returns to me, reminding me the law of love is universal. Even here [on earth], it takes a form which can be recognized and seen to work. The miracles I give are given back in just the form I need to help me with the problems I perceive. Father, in Heaven it is different, for there, there are no needs. But here on earth, the miracle is closer to Your gifts than any other gift that I can give. Then let me give this gift alone today, which, born of true forgiveness, lights the way that I must travel to remember You. (W-pII.345:1-7)

Patience is natural to those who Trust!

Over the years, I have convinced myself that I don't have enough patience. I want everything yesterday. So it is, that at this time in my life, when I am observing pain come and go in my body I am questioning what true patience is.

Here is the story:
The last few days I have been experiencing acid reflux, in a body that according to my knowingness, isn't real. I have had this in my past, changing my diet several times in an effort to heal it. Yesterday I decided to get serious,and I sat down to engage the Holy Spirit in an attempt to conquer it once and for all.

I began by asking all of the right questions such as, why now? Why when I am loving more and judging less. I couldn't hear the answer, I was so wrapped up in the fear.

Now I was doubled over in pain closing my eyes and waiting. A moment later the phone rang. It was my partner Chris with some wonderful news to share with me. In the past, I have often wondered while in the midst of some deep discomfort, what I would feel if somebody suddenly told me I had won the lottery. Well this time I hadn't won the lottery but the news he shared with me filled me with joy. Within fifteen minutes, what I thought might happen, actually occurred. The pain was gone, after three days of suffering,gone.

So I contemplated what happened here. What message was Holy Spirit sharing with me now? It was clear to me, that in that moment of hearing the happy news I forgot about the pain. It was no longer important. In that one moment I had changed my mind from one of pain to joy, that's all it took. The pain didn't return because it was the perfect moment for me to give it up. I say the perfect moment because I know it was Holy Spirits gift, the answer to my questions. Questions such as why now? This was why, because I was ready to hear, and I wanted more than anything to conquer my impatience.

"Those who are certain of the outcome, can afford to wait"

This is a statement from A Course In Miracles under the heading of patience. I already knew the concept that everything happens at the right time and place for everyone concerned. I just didn't fully believe it until now.

My experience has taught me to trust that everything has a purpose, and change happens at the perfect time. No more trying to make it happen faster which always creates more stress and doubt. My concept of patience has changed. It is now a letting go rather than a doing. I can already feel the peace.

The Answer is in the Question!

Two nights have passed since my last awareness,that I am still making this body real, and that I think I can make pain. These nights were not what I expected.

The day after my awareness I had no more pain in my body. It seemed like a confirmation or a gift of my new realization, one I thought would last. However, the last two nights I have been awake with pains again down the right side of my body, leaving me questioning and asking why?

Is it because my belief in the body and this world runs so deep, that I can only have glimpses of what it is like to be free of such limited ideas? Is my present lack of peace a confirmation of my lack of faith. Faith that this body and this world isn't real, despite the fact that everything that I see and feel opposes that idea?

Can I now let go of the frustration, the impatience and the embarrassment of telling my friends that the pain has returned? Can I admit to myself how much my ego was involved, when I thought I had made a huge leap in my evolution, and can I forgive it? Can I accept that there are still layers of limited beliefs to remove,and because I still believe in time, they take time?

These are the questions I am asking myself today. This is what this day is for, and one moment of peace is all I need to receive the answers. In fact as I look at the questions I can see the answers are built right into them and it's a big yes to all. In fact I believe the answer to every question I have ever asked is contained in the question.

The I that is spirit knows all of the answers, has always know them and always will. I believe we all know the truth about who we are and why we are here, and that's why we already have the answers to every question we could ever ask. I just have to be still a moment and listen to that still small voice inside of me that I call The Holy Spirit. It is the one with all of the answers and it is a part of me. The part that knows everything.

Yet another truly empowering thought that leaves me totally fulfilled and not relying on any person, place,thing,time or event in the world to awaken me from this dream. The spirit within me does know it all. Now I need to practice patience and to have faith, that one day I will live the truth of what I know, and in the meantime forgive myself for making this illusionary world real.

Words cannot describe the Extraordinary!

Have you ever used the saying, You had to be there, when describing an event in your life? You know, the other person or people you are sharing with are looking at you with that face that tells you they are not getting it. If you are like me, you will feel a little dumb for even trying to share it in the first place, after all, it was you who had the feelings when it was happening, not them. I am not saying there are not people out there who are likened to great poets and can take me on a journey that encourages me to feel what they are expressing. I am not one of those people, so it wasn't surprising that when I read back to myself a blog that I wrote yesterday, I deleted it because it was void of the feelings that I was trying to write about.

Words just dont do it for me. They take something beautiful and make it mediocre. So how do I continue to share what is important in my life. How do I share my passion, my journey, my love for my brothers and sisters, all of you?

My heart is opening more every day. I am seeing more of the truth and feeling more compassion for all of us who are lost in this dream. There are moments when I see clearly through the lies I have told myself, the lies you have told yourself. I see the real self beyond the frightened human self that continues to fight for its life in a world that can offer nothing and ends in death. And what is this death that we all fear is coming some day? A Course in Miracles says it is nothing because it is not real. Death does not exist because God did not make it

There is a wonderful article on death as seen through the course. I highly recommend it for all who are experiencing death in their lives right now. It is the best explanation I have heard and it touched me deeply. It is written by Greg Mackie in the Circle of Atonement link on line.

I was guided to this information a few days ago by the Holy Spirit. A friend had requested help for her friend who wanted to understand grief as seen through A course in miracles. His friend was dying of cancer and her request brought up some fears for me. I went straight into my stories, replacing his dying friend with my loved ones,and within minutes I was no longer in peace, I was in fear. Fear is a sure sign to me that I have work to do and needed help from Holy Spirit, hence the guidance.

I love how Holy Spirit works. If it wasnt for my friends request, I would not have become aware of my own fears around death. Greg refers to a section in the course that says I accept no compromise where death plays a part. I decided to use this as a mantra yesterday while meditating with some friends. I felt myself going deeper and deeper into the thought and that is when I had one of those experiences that I was talking about when I began this section of my blog. There are no words to describe it, the truth, the knowingness that came forth. I was once again the observer and what I was seeing was without doubt the absolute truth. There is no such thing as death. We made it all up in our minds but it doesn't exist, therefore it is not real. I fell in and out of this awareness, sometimes staying there for what seemed to be a long time. When the buzzer went off to end the meditation, I didn't want to come out of it. I couldn't feel my body and I was in a state of bliss.

If only I could remember this truth every moment of every day. I believe that time will come and it's one of the thoughts that drives me to continue this journey of awakening. In the meantime, I will savor every opportuntiy that comes to me and not be so attached to how I share them but be thankful to have the opportuntiy to share them.

Making Pain Real!

Last night I tripped and hurt myself. The pain kept waking me up in the night. I had a dream that I was in pain, but I had work to do that would inevitably make the pain worse. In my dream I chose to not participate in the work,which was a different choice than I would have made in my past.

Back to the story.
I was in a restaurant with friends. I tripped on a stick that had been placed on the floor to hold the door open by one of the staff who was cleaning. The stick wasn't there when I entered the washroom. She had followed me in. I tripped and threw the right side of my body off kilter, causing pain in my toes, knees, hip, arm, shoulder, neck and head.

I was angry. Angry at her for being negligent,angry at myself for creating the situation. Angry at myself for not mentioning it to her boss because I didn't want to get her in trouble. But most of all angry because I was no longer in peace and joy. My thoughts were revengeful and I didn't like how it made me feel.

Before I lay down to sleep, I asked Holy spirit for clarity on the situation. My dream was the key. Acceptance was the first step. Despite the fact that this is an illusion, some part of me still thinks it is real. So, when I hurt myself, I take care of it in the best way I know, then I receive the clarity.

I asked who was testing me, who was trying to knock me off my peace? The answer was me. I still think that I can make pain and suffering so I do. Truth is, pain and suffering are not real, they are illusions. The only truth is,that I am peace joy and love,and I didn't make them, God did. It's as simple as that.

It's me that tests me with one illusion after another. I heard other hidden beliefs arise such as I can make sickness, I can make food have an adverse affect on my body. I was being asked to forgive these thoughts because they no longer served me.

Once again, I am reminded that there is nothing to do in order to wake up, other than become aware of my hidden beliefs and tell the truth about them. In this way, my seeming pain became my gift and I saw the perfection of it.

Changing Neighborhoods

Many years ago, Ramtha gave a teaching about changing neighborhoods, something he wanted us all to do. My first thought was that he wanted me to move out of my house and town, so I had many months of turmoil, wondering where he wanted me to be. It was years later when I fully understood the teaching. He had said that a new neighborhood was different than just moving the furniture around.

Have you ever become aware that your life is chaotic? Nothing is going right for you. There is so much going on that you feel you don't have time to breathe. You want out, but you don't even know what that means. I have been there, and my solution, or so I thought, was to change my outer circumstances, kind of like moving the furniture around. I soon came to realize that it was a band aid approach. It helped for a short while, but didn't solve the problem. My problems followed me everywhere. Why? Because I learned through experience, that they had nothing to do with what seemed to be happening in my life and everything to do with what was going on in my mind. Changing neighborhoods meant changing my mind. I noticed when I changed my mind, my outer circumstances changed too. It was as if changing my mind opened the door to an inner guidance that wasn't available to me before because I didn't leave a space for it to be there.

Changing my outer circumstances without changing the thought that made them could never work. When I realized this, I began to pay more attention to what I was thinking not what I was doing. I stood guard on the doorway of my mind and let in no thought that I didn't want to out manifest. It was the journey and it became my passion. Not only that, it worked, and continues to work in my life.

There was guidance along the way, props that helped me. Books, workshops, meditation etc. Ekhart Tolle and The Power of Now was a good book at that time. Candle focus was another. Walking meditation was one of my favorites holding the focus on one thing as I walked. This became my work, the work I knew I was here for, and it was this work that began to wake me up to the truth. That all of my chaos was self made and could be changed simply by changing my mind. Nobody could do it for me, I had to want it more than anything else.

Now I am reaping the rewards of my past efforts, I continue to change neighborhoods and my life is filled with more love, more joy and most of all more peace.

Interruption or Opportunity?

Meditation means different things to different people. It can be done sitting, lying down or walking. Some try to still their mind, others focus on one thing or one mantra. Some focus only on the breath. All are in the act of achieving some kind of mental state, or manifesting some particular item or healing. I have used all of the above methods of meditation at different stages of my life and benefitted from all of them.

Yesterday I was meditating with a group of friends with the intent of starting my day off in peace. During the meditation, one of my friends decided to get up and go upstairs to make a phone call. The call took up most of the hour we were there meditating and we could hear the conversation. I observed my judgements on her. Stories such as, how could she do this during our meditation? How could she choose a phone call over God? How could she have no respect for us?

In the past I would spend the rest of the meditation trying to still my mind from these thoughts, fighting the feelings and working hard to replace them with loving thoughts. This time it was different. I remembered there was no her, that she was an actor in my play, and that I actually placed her there in order to reflect something back to me that needed healing. It was easy to see that I did the same thing I was accusing her of every day. Every moment that I chose pain and suffering to replace the peace of God. Was that not disrespecting myself and God?

I then noticed that the actual moments of observation were the peace I had been looking for. Not unlike the actual moment of observing a pencil before naming it a pencil. That observation can only occur in a place of stillness. That the very act I had judged in the past as a distraction, was now the key to meditation. Meditation was no longer an act of stilling my mind, but was indeed the means to observe that which was preventing me from my natural state of being which is love, joy and peace.

These little annoyances now became the gifts of the meditation, the reason for meditating. I came out of the meditation buzzing. Every cell of my being was dancing with my new awareness. And, the icing on the cake so to speak, was that I wasn't angry at my friend. I was thankful I had placed her in my dream to make me more aware in my day, a beautiful day indeed.

Can Holy Spirit find me a Parking Spot?

I have heard this question asked many times during my life. Can Holy spirit find me a parking spot? And the answer is always no. Holy spirit can't find me a parking spot, but I can if I am lined up with the Truth.

So what's the difference, what does it mean to be lined up? My experience has been, when I am in a state of love and joy, only loving and joyful things come to me. When I am otherwise, my days are not joyful, they match my mind perfectly.

Yesterday was one of those lined up days. I have been in a state of joy for two weeks and everything has appeared when I wanted it. What would have been emotional upheavals in the past, have been simple challenges with awesome outcomes. I have had a two week opportunity to observe what it is like to be at one with the Holy Spirit and it is wonderful. I smile at people and they smile back. Not just one of them, all of them. I feel so much love for everybody that it reflects back onto me and I light up, no Christmas lights needed for me this year. Lol

It's very empowering to know that my mind makes my world. I am no longer affected by the world that seems to be around me, unless I want to of course. I feel as if God is oozing out of me, and I am invincible. All I have to do is ask where is my mind today? Try it, it works.

Change is Evolution!

Last night my daughter commented on something I was sharing with my granddaughter as if it were the truth, something my daughter didn't think was appropriate for her age, she is seven years old. I asked myself, what is appropriate to share with a seven year old? My granddaughter listens intently to what I say and is full of questions. Children are wiser than we think, they can teach us lots if we take the time to listen to them. It was obvious my daughter had her own story about what I had shared, which was a fabricated version, not unlike my own ability to fabricate stories,in order to unconsciously keep myself locked in a fearful world. Her reaction was another gift for me to check in on my own stories,and also to ponder what change of mind means. She also made a good point, that what I believe today is different than what I believed last year or last month, and I had to agree with her.

So I checked in with Holy spirit and asked what is truth? Truth cannot be what I believe today,when I know a day from now I could be believing something different about the same subject. I often say, this is my truth, my,meaning the me that acts out in this dream world. The real truth has nothing to do with this world, yet I need this dream world right now in order to have these experiences with the soul intent of waking up to THE REAL TRUTH that I am already back with God.

My seven year old granddaughter was watching, what was for her a scary show on T.V. She was so scared that she couldn't go to sleep that night. We had a talk about her fear. She was afraid the character in the movie would come and take her parents away and kill them. I asked if that had happened and she said no,but she was afraid it would happen. I suggested she doesnt watch the show again if she is afraid of it. She said she's not afraid of the show, she wants to watch it again. I helped her to see that her fear wasn't about the show, it was about her own thoughts that were not even true. What she feared had never happened and never would. I suggested she change her story about her parents being killed and replace it with a happy story that included the character she was afraid of. Yesterday she arrived home from school with a book called Rumplestiskin. It was the character she was afraid of. She had pulled it out of the school library as her take home book because she was no longer afraid of him.

I do not see my truth as THE TRUTH. My truth in any given moment is the only thing I can use in order to experience my own evolution towards The Truth. The Truth to me, is the absolute knowingness that none of this is real. But as long as I think I am here I will always have what I call my truth, especially when I almost always make a point of asking the Holy Spirit to guide me.

My daughter represents to me my own fears,when I think I may not be doing it right. I bless her for she is a grand teacher for me,as is everyone else. After all, I placed them all in my dream for a reason and it is working. My life is the best it has ever been, more joy, more love and most of all, more peace.

So change is evolution for me, and as my daughter pointed out, yes, my truth is my truth, not anyone else's. Thanks to her I am reminded to say, this is my truth, not THE TRUTH.

Passiveness versus Knowingness

Last night I watched a documentary about the life of John Lennon and Yoko Ono. One line caught my attention. It was, If you are being attacked then defend yourself. The documentary was mostly about their stance on peace, yet this was said by John, and in my mind peace and defense somehow do not go together.

This morning I woke up in deep contemplation, asking my Holy Spirit the following questions.

Did Christ really turn the other cheek as said in the bible?

Is it true that attack and defense are an illusion as said in A Course In Miracles?

Where does passiveness fit in, other than in my interpretation as a mask for fear?

Is there a moment, when I must let go of the questions, and take a leap of faith into what I believe is true for me right now, knowing that what I believe right now can change and probably will change as I evolve.

Is what I believe right now,the next obvious and therefore next step on my journey?

Why is passiveness my greatest fear?

What do I believe right now. What rings as truth in my soul?

It is the first thing I wrote down. That Christ turned the other cheek. I can see that would have taken great courage and total surrender to something greater than the attachment to the body and the illusionary world of matter. To not be afraid to stand in my truth,out of the fear that something may happen to my body or my present life circumstances.Wow! So true.

So I can see, I use the fear of my idea of passiveness, as an excuse not to follow my truth, because I am afraid of surrender. Meaning I am afraid to hand what seems to be an attacking situation over to my Holy Spirit in case I get hurt physically or emotionally.

So my answer is, to stand up boldly in my truth. Not with attack thoughts, not with the need to defend myself, but in a state of love for all mankind, and a knowingness that we are all doing the best we can in any given moment.Plus, if I hand any situation over to the holy spirit, it will always work out best for all concerned.

Right Timing!

About a week ago, my friend sent me a link to YouTube. It was called Bring me Sunshine by the jive aces. I have watched it every day since and it never fails to put a smile on my face. Today I shared it with a young girl in a coffee shop who was sad due to a rough breakup with her boyfriend. I think the smile on her face was as real as mine when it finished.

These gifts that I call right timing, are no coincidence. I see them strategically placed there by the holy spirit gifting us with joy at a time when we may be feeling sad. Check out the link, I think you will agree with me.

These gifts of right timing exist everywhere. I had one this morning. I left home with my wonderful partner to go for a car ride into the country. It was an impromptu decision to go. One of many as we try always to live in the moment and be spontaneous. It was a beautiful sunny day for November and perfect for a drive. We packed a lunch to eat on the road and after an unexpected phone call from our friends in Mexico we left.

It was no longer sunny. The sky was grey but it didn't stop us from leaving. I was feeling wonderful while at the same time observing that it was unusual for me not to be complaining of the change in weather. I asked my partner to play the YouTube link on our ipad that I mentioned in order to see if it brought me more joy as it originally did. I was surprised to see that my state of joy didn't increase, it didn't have to. I was the sun and had been since my experience the first night of writing this blog. How wonderful to have been in complete joy for a week and not need anything in the illusion to put a smile on my face .

Everything in my life is right timing, always has been and always will.

I Need Do Nothing!

I had to ponder this statement, I Need Do Nothing for a while before I really understood it. I need do nothing to awaken from this dream because I am already back with God.

What did that news do to my life and my way of thinking until now? I have done so much over the past forty years in an effort, and I say effort, to awaken to something other than what I thought I was. Hard work, many workshops, lots of tears and lots of time spent in an effort to heal and change my existance here.

Now I am not regretting all of this work. It was absolutely the only thing I could do. I didn't know anything else at the time. Even to this day right now I still find myself in the mode of trying. So to accept I need do nothing was seemingly an insult on the way I had lived my life and one that needed contemplation.

This morning a friend emailed me about a link I had sent him to watch a movie documentary called Thrive. His perception of the movie was the opposite to mine and he felt he had to save me from my way of thinking.I reacted to his idea of saving me then quickly reverted back to myself, knowing he isn't really here, and asking me, what is he reflecting back to me right now. I perceived him as trying to save me, no, I am trying to save myself. Was this a truer statement? Yes. I was trying to save myself from an illusion. This is how I saw him, more afraid of the illusion than using it as a means to wake up. He was my gift to me today to show me how small my thinking has been . How I have tried to avoid life not because I knew better, but because I was afraid of it. Wow, how much more of life is there for me to explore?

Holy spirit uses this illusion to wake me up and I had limited the illusion so I could get back faster, or so I thought, to a place I never really left. Yes, I am laughing out loud right now, what an illusion that is.

I too had spent many years thinking I was helping my friends when they didn't need help. Of course, like my friend this morning I was doing it from a place of love, wasn't I? Now I see more clearly that I was laying on them my own limited thinking because that is all I knew. I am not judging myself for that. I used to judge myself for being asleep to things in life but not anymore. I believe we are all doing the best we can in any given moment, otherwise we would be doing something different.

So no more serious journey. Today is a new day, filled with new thoughts and a lot more joy. Where do you want me today Holy spirit? Which part of this illusion are you going to have me engage today so that I can see another reflection of the self that still thinks it needs to be awakened from the dream?

What if I told you, you were already dead!

This was a statement Ramtha said to his audience about fifteen years ago. I was a part of that audience and when I heard this it rang so true for me. I joked about it for years later, telling others and my dog they were already dead.. Ramtha explained it in a different way to how I hear it now through A Course in Miracles, but it is all the same thing. What they are both saying is that we are not really here, we just think we are. We buy into the belief of reincarnation in order to keep the dream going, making birth and death real when it never really happened. As the course says we were never born and we never die. We are spirit, whole and innocent and the rest is an illusion.

How empowering is this? It doesn't take our power away, it magnifies it.

Last night I asked holy spirit for a deeper understanding of this and here is what unfolded in the wee hours of this morning.

As I mentioned, twenty years of my life were spent attending Ramthas school of enlightenment in Yelm Washington.I knew nothing of this world being an illusion at that time. Ramtha told the story of his own lifetime over and over and I accepted it as something that really happened, just like it seems my life really happened. Ramthas message besides saying we are God, was that all of us in his audience were in his army in the one lifetime that he had and that he awakened in that lifetime and ascended in front of us, telling us he would come back for us after we were done with our lives. He said the reason we weren't ready at that time 36,000 years ago was because we were still attached to the things in this reality and until we had done and had them all we wouldn't be ready to leave.

The course in miracles says this reality never existed in the first place. That we think we separated from God, but it never really occurred. That we never left God and are thinking we are here when we are not. If you want to know more, look up Ramtha on line, or take a look at the story of a Course in Miracles on YouTube and feel it out for yourself.

back to this morning.......What came to me as I was waking up is the realization that Ramtha doesn't really exist. He too is a figure in my movie who fifteen years ago was telling me what I didn't really understand back then. That I am already dead, meaning, in my new awareness that I never really lived so I never really died. I have been reiterating my movie over and over for thousands of years making it real. Wow, this was me,telling me,back then and not even understanding the magnification of that truth.

Then here was the metaphor again. I could clearly see the Me, the real Me standing in this beam of light watching my thoughts. Like pieces of a jigsaw puzzle I watched my idea of Ramtha, being real then not, and the truth I had found in the Course in Miracles. The pieces were all floating around and I was the illusionary me in the middle of them trying to piece them together. Then suddenly realizing they are not meant to come together because they are all part of a story, my story, none of which is real.

The true me watching never moved, was solid and fully present, just observing. I was finally getting it!

This blog is doing the work I expected it to do but much faster and more powerful than I could have imagined. It's as if I set the intent, and the Holy Spirit is invited in, helping me to wake up once again to the truth. These pieces of the puzzle are my illusionary life finally breaking apart and the message is, I need do nothing!

Miracles

What is a miracle? I used to think it was something that is only given to a few. A gift from God and not available to the masses. I know now that is not the truth. Miracles occur every day and until a little while ago I didn't realize my experiences as miracles.

I became aware that every time I consciously changed my mind from one of fear into love, I experienced a miracle. In realizing that I had the choice to change anything, I also became aware that the one making the choice was separate from the one making the fearful dream. Therefore there must be more to me than I thought. Now that's a miracle, because it took away my fear of being controlled to something outside of me and left me in a place of power that had everything to do with Holy Spirit guidance. When love is here fear cannot exist. Since having this awareness , I have experienced miracles daily and afforded myself more opportunities for joy. I now see every day as an opportuntiy for miracles to occur.

An Endless Journey

Why am I calling this an endless journey? Because something deep inside of me knows that I am not this body and I am not really here. In this awareness there is no end because there never was a beginning.I believe I am living in a dream, a movie that I alone made up and directed according to my wishes and that everyone else, yes, including you who are reading this, are merely a figment of my imagination, the characters I chose,to be in the perfect place and time,in order to mirror back to me what I see in you,so that I can use that information to wake up to my true self. Meaning that whatever I see in another must be also in me, otherwise I couldn't see it.

I believe there is no past or future. That my seeming past is an illusion that never really happened, and my future is a story that has no merit other than that which I assign to it.

So, if my life here never really began it means I am not really here, so what do I have to talk about? And why a blog? I can honestly say it is purely a selfish act. I figure if I make a daily practice of getting my ideas down on paper it will keep me more aware of when I fall short of being in the truth. You see ,I must not fully believe what I know, otherwise I wouldn't think there was a here for me to write from.

So how do I know I am not making all of this up? I don't, in fact I have come to realize that I don't know anything.
And what is truth? I can't really explain it other than to say its a feeling, a knowingness, a something that lies within and has always been there. Everyone has it. It could be called intuition or a feeling that pulls me a certain way and cant be explained.

What I can say, is that when I follow that truth it always leads me to joy. Now I didn't say it always leads me to what I think I want. I have experienced that what I think I want is not always in my best interests.

I have learned there is no way out of this dream without asking for help from another source. This source has to be non changing and forever present. This source has to be pure love and forgiveness and free from judgement of any kind. I have learned to connect with this source as my Holy Spirit. In the past I have called it my higher self, my right mind, God, but now it is holy spirit.

I see myself as having two minds, a right mind and a wrong mind. My right mind knows all, forgives all and never guides me into fear. My wrong mind thinks it knows all, blames the world for my pain and suffering and knows nothing but fear.

Yesterday I meditated for an hour with some friends. Meditation is not something I do on a daily basis. In the past I have meditated for many hours daily and for many years, but this discipline changed over the years and I took to reading instead. So,during this meditation I decided to focus entirely on a lesson from a course in miracles which said, I am willing to sacrifice fear. An hour later the timer went off,and I continued my day feeling no effects from the meditation.

Last night I woke myself up repeating the same lesson over and over,I am willing to sacrifice fear. I fell asleep again and had a dream. My dream was full of chaos and frustration, a feeling I have at least once but probably more times on a daily basis. Then it became clear to me that there was something here I needed to look at more clearly. A metaphor appeared. It was massive bundles of thread intertwined millions of times and I was observing it as my life. The I that was doing the observing,was a light beam of pure joy,and the twine represented my movies, my stories, the life I thought was mine. I sensed the difference between the two seeming bodies. One heavy and laden with guilt shame and fear and the other shining, brilliant light. I saw my movie play out, the highs and lows, the attachments to what was going on in my day and the realization that even the happy things that I do are nothing compared to the absolute joy that I was experiencing in the present moment.

But how can I stay in that light? It seemed too much to comprehend. How can I experience a day in this seeming world without wanting it to be a certain way,and when it isn't to my liking how can I realize it's only a dream that I made up and I can change in any given moment?

As I asked these questions I realized with great fear that they could never be answered in a way I would have liked because I was asking to change one illusion into another illusion, one that would bring me more joy, and here is where I became fearful. I realized that nothing in this world can ever bring me lasting joy because it is forever changing. The real joy I was feeling as a light being never changes,and it has absolutely nothing to do with Wwwanything in this world, nothing.

So I was being asked to give it all up. Everything here that I am attached to,and I could see I was attached to everything. No attachment to where I am or what I am doing? how is that possible? I ask myself again now, am I willing to sacrifice fear?